2012 Porsche Cayman R Review
For me, that was Jacob 4-Flush-Magush, whose turds were so buoyant he's probably wasted more water on an average dump than half of every shower you've ever taken. Anyway. This Cayman rocks the 3.4 liter naturally aspirated flat six. Like a Subaru boxer engine! But without a turbo and two more cylinders because you can only wade so far into the Subaru waters before becoming consumed. You don't drive Subaru You pledge Subaru! And you get your dick hard for Rush Week! John's Cayman and makes 300 horsepower to the wheels on a six-speed manual transmission.
Yes, there's the PDK. I know, the 7-speed that goes faster and features paddle shifters, but as John relates it's not just the same experience. And that's because John has tailored a very specific kind of experience for his Cayman. This Cayman is heavily modified with Fab speed cat-less race headers, a pro-tuned valvetronic exhaust system Sebro slotted rotors, Faribault brake pads, (I'm mispronouncing this crap), stainless steel brake lines, and GT3 brake master cylinder. I guess is not that modded as I thought it was. While this Cayman could probably use more camber up front, at least according to Johnthat's probably the worst of its issues. It's exactly the kind of Cayman that you'd expect to find in a place [ugly angelic voice] like this. This place is Candy Land.
This was like that scene where Charlie first enters the garden of the Willy Wonka's place except, it's filled with all manners of cars I can use to make STEF SHRADER JEALOUS. You see John is Fab speed's Porsche specialist and he fell in love with this Cayman by proximity sort of like Jim and Pam, or Amy Rose and lonely gamer boys. While interviewing John, I learned that he considers this to be the best handling car he's ever driven. Which is saying a lot when you consider the kind of cars he has access to here. John has done auto cross for about ten years and he claims the rotation on tracks in this Cayman is incredible.
I wouldn't really know because we didn't take this out on a track because I've never been on a track yet before but getting it out on residential roads told me that John isn't kidding. The sensation of accelerating a Cayman R in the middle of a corner is like being in a hall without a hall pass. You're getting away with danger. The Cayman R is the official car of getting away with it but feeling slightly guilty. You keep expecting Johnny Law to come zooming around the corner at any moment and it doesn't help that these exhausts are loud. Even though you're not really breaking the speed limit, you look and sound like you are. Like you're tearing ass even when you aren't Like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it never does. You simultaneously are having a blast while also feeling uncomfortable about how much fun you're having in public.
2012 Porsche Cayman R Price
Maybe it's a by-product of having an uncommon job but I can't help feeling that I'm constantly generating discomfort for other people. And when you get that in your head, there's also a nagging secondary concern that it's only a matter of time until someone decides that this isn't your day. But for a brief spell, the Porsche Cayman lets you forget about all that. Yes, as with anything else you're self-conscious about, all those nagging doubts are going to be the rebut some cars can temporarily make you forget all that baggage. The trick is you have to let them do that and you have to get over the Porsche name to be able to enjoy one. Porsch-uhhh: Your success is preventing mine! And that's a loser's lullaby. A Cayman is a car your Bumble date hopes you'll roll up in.
Drive one of these and you're way, way more interesting than Joe Corvette. What do you do? asks your date girl. (And let's be honest: if you date a guy, he's just going to look at your Porsche and say Niiiice!) But if you date... If your lady date sees it, she's going to ask What do YOU do? And this isn't a... Well, it is a sexist jokeHell me. And guilt creeps in because you feel you're not as successful as your date thinks you are. Used Caymans... Used BASE Caymans hover around $20,000 in Pennsylvania. To put that in perspective late-model used Subaru Outbacks cost more than $20,000. And those Brodozers are like $40,000 - $50,000. But in the commonwealth's eyes, you're still rich in a car that costs less than a new Ford Taurus. Oh, Oh, and you can never race a Corvette in a Cayman Especially if it's on your back-road terms where the Cayman has the advantage.
Oh, and you have to let the Corvette win. You have to let the Corvette win because THAT car represents the previous generation slooooowly sinking into their regretful hospital beds, like Maurice Fischer. A long, booming life of influence: important, influential, and deserving of genuine respect. But also: how long can you keep, Corvette guys-retelling that same story? The same sounds, the same burnouts, and the same satisfied beer belly pat. How long do we have to listen to your patriotic lullabies? I dunno! But you're still in control, Corvette. Your drivers vote in the greatest numbers and we need to keep you happy for our own safety.
So, the Cayman driver WILL lift off the throttle and let the 'Vette win. Again. Even though the Cayman is the superior production sports car in every sense but displacement. So let the 'Vette win because the risks are too great. It comes down to this: If a Porsche Cayman driver loses a race... They'll just go buy more polo shirts. But, if a Corvette driver loses a street race... They call the cops. As weeks went by She doubted it was Corvette I told her, Dear, I swear this is the the truth, but... She found out and I browned out Cause I was tiiiired... Of trying.
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